


Gone

by writers_haven



Category: Free!
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-10
Updated: 2014-05-10
Packaged: 2018-01-24 05:28:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1593242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writers_haven/pseuds/writers_haven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They walk to school together, Makoto chattering on about how the stray kitten he used to play with has really grown up, and now has kittens of her own, and she still meows at him sometimes when she sees him around.</p>
<p>Haru doesn’t say anything.</p>
<p>In class, Makoto sits down next to Haru at the back, talking about how Ran and Ren have become closer lately, helping each other with homework and comforting each other when they have nightmares. He sounds proud of them, and Haru silently agrees. They’re becoming more and more independent as time goes on; that’s more than Haru can really say for himself.</p>
<p>Amakata-sensei stutters a little when she skips over Makoto’s name on the register. Haru ignores the glances his entire class sends towards him and Makoto. They don’t matter.</p>
<p>Makoto’s smile turns a little sad, but neither of them comment on it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gone

“Haru!” Makoto’s voice rings out through the house. “You’re going to be late for class!”

Haru sinks further into the water because it’s comfortable and Makoto says this every day, but they have plenty of time.

There’s a long-suffering sigh. Haru stubbornly doesn’t respond.

“I’m coming in,” Makoto says, and comes in. Haru barely glances at him as he does; as usual, Makoto is in his slightly rumpled school uniform, and gives Haru a resigned smile. “Good morning, Haru-chan,” he says mildly, and pleads with his eyes for Haru to come out.

Haru ignores him.

Makoto rolls his eyes and holds a hand out to Haru. “C’mon, you’ll be late,” he chides, but it’s soft and gentle. Haru looks from the hand to Makoto’s face, then hauls himself out of the tub without Makoto’s help.

Makoto isn’t hurt. “You can’t keep on like this,” he tells Haru, tone still light but also concerned, as Haru dries off and makes his way to the kitchen. “It’s not healthy.”

Haru gives him a side glance that shuts him up.  _I know_ , it says,  _but I don’t care._

Makoto sighs again, but drops the subject, instead complaining about Haru’s breakfast of grilled mackerel again. _You’re not eating it,_  Haru might once have said, but doesn’t now.

—

They walk to school together, Makoto chattering on about how the stray kitten he used to play with has really grown up, and now has kittens of her own, and she still meows at him sometimes when she sees him around.

Haru doesn’t say anything.

In class, Makoto sits down next to Haru at the back, talking about how Ran and Ren have become closer lately, helping each other with homework and comforting each other when they have nightmares. He sounds proud of them, and Haru silently agrees. They’re becoming more and more independent as time goes on; that’s more than Haru can really say for himself.

Amakata-sensei stutters a little when she skips over Makoto’s name on the register. Haru ignores the glances his entire class sends towards him and Makoto. They don’t matter.

Makoto’s smile turns a little sad, but neither of them comment on it.

—

At lunchtime, Haru and Makoto sit on the rooftop. Neither of them has a bento, but they don’t buy anything from the school shop.

“Let’s eat somewhere else today,” Nagisa says cheerily, as he always does. His smile is wide, and gets wider and wider every day.

“I think that’s a great idea,” Makoto says, with a cautious glance at Haru, but Haru refuses to move.

There’s a short silence.

“D-Did you forget your lunch again, Haruka-senpai?” Rei says awkwardly, his smile nervous. “I- I happen to have an extra. Would you like it?” He holds out a bento wrapped in blue wave-patterned cloth. His hands, and the bento, shake.

“Thank you, Rei,” Makoto says gratefully, smiling at him warmly. “Haru really appreciates what you’re doing for him.”

His words don’t seem to comfort Rei, as they might have before.

Haru nods and accepts the bento stiffly. Nagisa, Rei and Makoto all sigh with relief. Haru pretends not to notice, and begins to eat.

—

The sun streams in the window during afternoon classes. The heat warms Haru, and makes him feel sleepy.

“Wake up, Haru,” Makoto scolds in a whisper. “You had your eye on that design school in Tokyo, you need to keep your grades up if you want to get in!”

Haru just looks at Makoto, unhappy, because the only reason he’d actually wanted to go to that school was because it was close to Makoto’s university of choice. They’d decided: they were going to share an apartment, and walk to school together, and argue about whose turn it was to get the milk, and adopt an abandoned kitten–

Haru forces his gaze away from Makoto, and looks out the window instead. The water in Iwatobi’s pool ripples gently, disturbed by the wind.

Haru can’t see him, but he can feel Makoto’s sadness, and worry, and weariness.

—

Haru gets into the pool, and for one, sweet moment, the feeling of water surrounding him soothes his heart.

Then his head breaks the surface, and he sees Makoto sitting by the edge of the water, still in his school uniform, and Haru’s heart aches all over again.

He tries to swim a few laps –there’s been nothing yet that the water couldn’t heal– but all that fills his head is the thought of Makoto, on the sidelines, not even touching the water.

Haru swims to the edge of the pool in the middle of a lap and hauls himself out.

“Haru?” Makoto asks, concerned.

“Haruka-senpai?” Gou calls worriedly. “Are you okay?”

Haru shakes his head and leaves.

“Is he going to be alright?” Gou asks behind him.

“He’s always loved to swim,” Nagisa notes darkly. “But now it’s like he just… can’t.”

(Nagisa is right. He can’t do it without Makoto.)

—

The doorbell rings while Haru is in the tub.

Haru closes his eyes and sinks further into the water. Makoto’s with his family, he won’t be coming over. No one else matters.

“Haru!” Rin’s voice calls from the back door. “I’m coming in!” His heavy footsteps sound through the house, coming closer and closer to the bathroom.

Haru submerges his head.

The sound of the door opening is muffled by the water. “Haru!” Rin says, annoyed and angry and concerned. “Get out of there, we gotta talk.”

Haru’s only response is to let a few bubbles of air out of his mouth.

Rin makes an irritated sound in the back of his throat. He grabs Haru by the hair roughly and yanks his head out of the water. Haru doesn’t resist.

Rin makes the throat-sound again, only this time it sounds more worried than irritated. “How long have you been in there?” he demands, forcing Haru out of the bathtub with rough pulls and prods. Haru lets him, and doesn’t reply. Rin huffs out a breath and looks around for a towel. “Dry off,” he commands when he finds it, tossing the fluffy white towel at Haru, then drains the bath, presumably so Haru can’t get back in.

Haru obeys silently. There’s really no point arguing with Rin when he’s in this kind of mood.

Rin ushers Haru to the bedroom as he dries himself, then starts hunting through the drawers and chucking clothes on Haru’s bed. “I swear to God, Haru,” Rin grumbles, rummaging through Haru’s sock drawer, but never finishes his sentence. Haru peels his jammer off his skin and gets dressed obediently as Rin grumbles about something or other, stomping all over the room and straightening the few messes he can find.

The moment Haru’s finished dressing, Rin grabs him by the arm and drags him out of the house. “Tachibana-oba-san says you haven’t left the fucking house except to go to school for  _days_ ,” he says by way of explanation. “We’re gonna go get something to eat,  _outside_ , that isn’t  _mackerel_ , and we’re gonna talk about this!”

As far as Haru’s concerned, there isn’t really anything to talk about, but he humours Rin. It’s easier than fighting him.

—

Rin takes him to a roadside ramen stall. He glares at Haru until he finishes the entire bowl of ramen, then drags Haru to a park near Samezuka and faces him in the middle of the grassy field.

“Look,” Rin says, his tone harsh only because he’s worried.

Haru waits for him to speak, but Rin just sighs.

“Haru,” Rin tries again. “I know it’s– hard for you. I mean, I get it, he was your best friend–”

“ _Is_.” Haru’s voice, hoarse with disuse, surprises even himself; the word just slipped out. Rin seems taken aback, but quickly overcomes it and frowns at Haru.

“No,” he says firmly. “You’re done running away from this, Haru. He  _was_  your best friend, and you  _were_  his, but now he’s–” Rin swallows hard, as if the next words are hard to say, “he’s  _gone_.”

“No, he’s not,” Haru says, quiet but firm, and he meets Rin’s eyes for the first time.

Rin makes a noise of frustration. “Yes, he  _is_ , you went to his fucking  _fune_ –”

Haru cuts him off angrily. “If he’s  _gone_ , then why can I still see him?” he demands. “Why does he still talk to me? Why is he still by my side?” His voice grows louder and louder without his meaning to, and suddenly Haru realises that he’s shaking, trembling,  _afraid_.

“He isn’t,” Rin snaps harshly. “You’re just imagining him to feel better, I did the same thing when my dad died when I was a kid, trust me, I get what you’re going through–”

“No!” Haru shouts, and the sheer power of it stuns Rin into silence. The shaking gets worse and worse, and distantly Haru registers wetness on his cheeks, and the feeling of grass on his knees, and the sound of heart-wrenching sobs filling the night air.

Makoto isn’t  _gone_.

He can’t be.

—

Haru wakes up in an unfamiliar bed. Looking around, he vaguely recognises Rin’s room at Samezuka Academy. The room is empty; unless both Rin and his roommate are sleeping in the top bunk, Haru’s alone.

He glances at Rin’s clock –it’s too late to go to school– and gets out of bed. Mechanically, Haru makes the bed, then leaves.

—

Rin’s words somehow resonate with Haru. “He’s  _gone_ ,” he said, as if Makoto  _should_  be.

Haru knows better.

Makoto can’t be gone.

Not if Haru doesn’t let him.

( _But that’s selfish,_  a small voice inside Haru says. He ignores it.)

—

Haru finds him on the cliff overlooking the city, where they’d gone after the Squid Festival.

Makoto looks worried and relieved and weary and tired, all at the same time. Haru takes a deep breath.

“Makoto,” Haru’s voice breaks, because  _how long has it been since he’s said that name?_

“Haru?” Soft, gentle, worried. Normal. But suddenly, Haru can hear another emotion in Makoto’s voice: pain.

Stupid Makoto, who always put others before himself.

Haru’s mind is made up.

“I’m sorry,” Haru says quietly, looking Makoto in the eye. “It’s because of me that you’re still here.”

Makoto smiles. It’s small and it’s broken and it’s sad, and Haru hates that he’s caused that smile to appear. “Haru-chan needed me,” Makoto says simply. “So I stayed.”

Quickly, before he can lose his nerve, Haru says firmly,

“Please move on.”

Makoto blinks, surprised; then smiles, radiant as the sun and twice as warm, and Haru feels that warmth spreading in his heart. “Thank you,” Makoto says, his voice soft and warm and  _happy_. “Look after Ran and Ren– make sure they don’t get into trouble. Nagisa and Rei, too; and Rin, of course!”

Makoto huffs a little laugh; it makes Haru feel happy and sad at the same time.

They fall into a comfortable, wistful silence.

“Well then,” Makoto says after a long, long while, “I’ll be off.”

Haru nods, and sniffs, and blinks away his tears. Makoto sees them anyway, and tries to hug Haru; but his body goes right through Haru’s. Makoto steps back then, sad and regretful and apologetic.

“Goodbye, Haru-chan,” he says quietly, with a sad, soft smile.

“Drop the –chan,” Haru replies, just as softly.

Makoto smiles, and turns, his back facing Haru–

And then, just like that, Makoto is gone. 

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on writers-haven.tumblr.com if you wanna head on over and show me some love there :D


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